Update: Roman hates me. Or, maybe Pinnacle does…

The Roman review will, come hell or high water, be finished by the end of Sunday. I’ve had some real problems getting the footage and audio to sync properly after the first segment of the movie, so I’ve been sitting on a half-done review for a couple days. However, the next two reviews have already been written (first drafts, anyway), so they should be coming faster. Thanks to everyone who has been coming by and watching/reading these reviews. Here’s what’s coming up:

DTV Hell: S. Darko (Video Review)

Someone made a sequel to one of the biggest mind-f*** movies of all-time. But my opinion has softened since my text review. Does that mean the movie is good now?
Of course not.

DTV Hell: Pocahontas II (Video Review)

It’s about time.

It’s a look back on the first text review, and one of Disney’s earliest direct-to-video sequels. Has time eased my disdain for this production?

Of course not.

DTV Hell: Macross Zero (Video Review!)

Wait, what?

Ah, Kawamori. He had some limits.
NOTE: You may need to adjust your volume seperately for my camera footage and the actual review. I’ll work on that for next time.

DTV Hell: Revelation (Now with video clips!)

So, first review of the new year, and so, I suppose it’s time to provide some supplemental video clips for the review? Indeed, it is. Welcome to DTV Hell, 2011, as I learn how to make video reviews. Probably quite slowly. But hey, I have to start somewhere, so I guess reviewing what I would prefer to see as a kind of flagship review set is as good a place as any.

DTV (kinda) Hell: Harvest of Fear (text review)

So, I was visiting the Best Buy a while back, and I happened across the bargain DVD bin. I didn’t take much notice at first, but after consulting with a friend of mine who has a fascinating interest in horror movies, regardless of quality, I went back and picked up what seemed like a wonderful bargain. Twelve films on three double-sided DVDs? There is no way this could be a bad purchase. At the very least, it would be entertaining to watch for how bad the movies were, right?

DTV Heaven: Cinderella 3: A Twist in Time

“Do you remember the story of the girl who lived a life of cinders, and who found true love because she kept a beautiful dream alive in her heart?” Yeah, I do, I just reviewed the sequel last time. Oh, wait, that’s right, there’s another unnecessary sequel to that movie.

Cinderella III: A Twist in Time is one of the very last Disney Sequels to be produced, before the company decided to can the concept completely, making exceptions for the Tinkerbell movies, of course. So, perhaps it is a fantastic irony that one of the very last of these legendarily poor films happened to be not only good, but, in my honest opinion, better than the movie it was based on. Yeah, you read that right.

DTV Hell: Cinderella II: My computer was in a coma… I mean, Dreams Come True

So, first off, to anyone who actually has been here in the last month or more, yes, my computer, that I use not only to make these posts but to type the reviews and watch many of the movies, completely crapped out on me for about a month.  Forewarning, it’s not fixed, it just felt like working again.  So, now comes the data harvesting in case such a thing happens again (and it will).  However, this review has been a long time coming, so it’s about time we get it out there.  Expect the next review in a day or two (they are both finished already).

Yes, folks. It’s that time again. Disney Sequel Time!

And this time, we are doing a two-parter. A pair of movies that should not have existed, irrespective of quality. Yes, the pointless sequels of the timeless tale of Cinderella, with the first being Cinderella II: Dreams Come True. Yeah, right. If dreams could really come true with consistency, I’d be a happier person, and these movies wouldn’t exist.

DTV Hell…kinda: The God Who Wasn’t There (text review)

So, I’ve talked about Christian movies that slam their messages down your throat so hard, they’d be charged with sodomy, if those laws still existed. However, we’ve only talked about one movie that tried to force a “Christianity is dumb” message down just as hard. Since I have three more Apocalypse movies to review, as well as Left Behind and at least one more Rich Christiano film, I’d best throw in another anti-Christianity movie. In this case, a documentary.

DTV Hell: Rayearth (OVA Review)

This will be a pretty long review, so just skip to the end if you want my basic opinion.

As the first anime selection here on DTV Hell, I felt it would be a good idea to go with something that had a solid history behind it. You know, an OVA based on a good manga or series. So, naturally, Aquarion was out, and the Escaflowne movie was released in theaters, so that’s two strikes against it right there.

Honestly, I have no idea why I’m ripping on Shoji Kawamori right now, he has nothing to do with this OVA. However, I have been struggling valiantly to figure out who I can blame for this massive letdown, when the people behind the original manga are some of my absolute favorite writers and artists in Japanese animation.